Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
