dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
