He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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