Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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