put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
