I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
