It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
