I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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