I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
