He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
