he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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