theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize