i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
