I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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