i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i think my cat just said my name.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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