Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
