The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
