I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize