i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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