Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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