i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize