Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
