Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
