Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
