Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
