Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
