the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
