on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
please come you make the beer taste better
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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