We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
