birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize