Please, let me fuck your mom
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
