from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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