this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
