i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
