I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
