He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I supernannyed him into submission
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
