Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
