Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
