he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
