Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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