Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
