just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
