You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
