I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
