I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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