ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
