I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
