There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
