she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
