well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize