Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
