That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just made my gag reflex go away.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
