Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
