He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
