you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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