When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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