Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize