Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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