just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
