how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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