Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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