my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The best revenge is premature balding
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
