My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
pray to the hookup gods
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize