no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
