Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
