I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
