i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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