he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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