a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
