My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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