Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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