I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
