I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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