How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
