I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
