strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize